How My Depression Ruined Thanksgiving

Holidays can be difficult for people for a variety of reasons and I was no exception this year.  Shortly before Thanksgiving, Joker had the opportunity to meet up with a family member who had been estranged since the age of four (obviously not their choice).  Fifteen now, it was wonderful for us to meet and get to see what a lovely teenager they have bloomed into.

As much as I was filled with joy for this opportunity, I couldn’t help but reflect on my own family situation and the sadness that we have experienced.  I don’t talk about it much, but my own brother has been estranged from our family since 2010.  I did get to speak with him one time (March 18, 2011) after that, but essentially I have had no contact in the past 7 years.  For me, it breaks my heart and is a bit mysterious because the last time I saw him in person we were taking sibling photos, and joking around.  I have never received or understood any explanation as to why and I don’t know that I will ever get one.

At any rate, getting to see Joker’s family filled me with both a great joy and a great sorrow.  Perhaps if my therapist had been in before the holiday it might have been salvaged, but as it would be, she would be on vacation that week.

So I came into the Thanksgiving holiday with a particular breed of sadness/depression.  The first home we went to was a close family friend of Joker’s,  We were supposed to pop in after they had eaten, but as it happened we got there just in time for the meal.  My social anxiety could not handle being an extra at a table I did not feel I had been invited too, and a panic attack was barely avoided.   The second stop was Joker’s mom, who prepared us both a lovely spread.  I worried throughout that meal that I wasn’t personable enough, as I attempted not to pass out in the mashed potatoes from emotional fatigue.

The thing is, you never know what struggles some one is having as they approach a holiday season.  Be patient, be kind, and love the people you are with.  I will do to remember that over my next holiday.   I hope each and every one of you had a fantastic day!

~Gobble Gobble, Lenora

2 thoughts on “How My Depression Ruined Thanksgiving

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