Who’s to Blame?

When I was married, there were a LOT of things that were my fault.  We never had the right food in the house.  The dog got in the trash, it was because I hadn’t changed it on time.  The snow took too long to clear, it was because I was “lazy” and went to work instead of calling out to help.  His mom was overstepping bounds and being intrusive, I needed to step up at the house so he wouldn’t need her to come over and help so much.

It goes on and on.

The thing is, I really started to believe it.

The other thing… Narcissistic people are never at fault.  My ex was so good at playing the blame game.  If he failed at something, it was someone else’s fault.  Failed a test, someone had stolen his books.  Business crashed, it was because I didn’t “let” him work enough.  Got written up at work, it was because his boss hated him.

So I go to thinking about how living with him affected me yesterday.  In one respect, I have a constant refrain in my brain about how everything is my fault.   So if anything at all goes wrong, it has to be as a result of something I did or did not do.  On the other hand, I don’t want to be like him and blame everyone else for my problems.  So, even in times where I could say.  “Hey, I don’t think this was a fair situation, and I think that the results were skewed.”  I can’t allow myself to be angry or see it at face value.  Instead, I hear another internal monologue that reminds me that I cannot put the blame outward.

This sucks.

Because sometimes, it is someone else’s fault that something went wrong.  Sometimes, your boss forgets you have a meeting and overschedules you.  Sometimes, another driver caused the accident by driving like an idiot.  Sometimes, you are discriminated against because of your gender, or your age.   Sometimes, it’s not your fault.

Sometimes, you have to remind yourself that you are doing your best.  And sometimes, that has to be good enough.

~Lenora

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